blah blah!

i just realized that i havn't been visiting this little cradle. 2 days ago, while i was trying sleep on the grounds of my school... suddenly the lady guard comes over and interrupts my dream... (sayang! ang sarap na ng pwesto ko sa damuhan ng paaralan...) shan-shan and jobz started to create a small conversation with me which was fine... and i realized that i have to keep this blog alive. and yes jobz if you're reading this ... this is my first post for this year... and you pushed me to come back to this blog... un lang... ako'y nagbabalik na..

the CD... the soundtrack... the recurring memory...

your memories rises up with the sun...
runs through my veins till dawn...
sets with the amber sky... sets with my weeping eyes.

your memories haunt me as if the night eats up the skies...
all that's left are memory constellations...
that keeps their form forever in the dark heavens.

Your memories...
They haunt me.
They give me broken smiles.
They pain me.
They exude the word melancholy.
They pull me... from the past,
the past that is not with me.

-haze P. Romawac-

'di lahat ng lumilisan ay nagbabalik...

...isang munting pag uusap namin ng aking kaibigang si melo... may mga bagay talaga na dumuduyan duyan sa aking isipan na di maalis...


HAZE: IMULAT MO ANG IYONG MGA MATA…’DI LAHAT NG NAGLILISAN AY NAGBABALIK…

MELO : SA PAGLISAN MO AY NAKITA MO ANG LIWANAG, BAKIT KA PA BABALIK SA MADILIM NA NAKARAAN.

HAZE : ...DAHIL ANG MINSANG MADILIM NA NAKARAAN AY NAGNINGNING RIN SA MGA ALAALANG DI MALILIMUTAN...

MELO : ANG ALAALA AY MANANATILING ALA ALA, MAGANDA MAN O HINDI. HUMAYO KA AT LUMIGAYA SA PILING NG IBA AT WAG NANG BALIKAN KUNG ANO MAN ANG NAKARAAN

HAZE : ...PAYAGAN MO NA KONG MALUMBAY ...AT MAGMUNI MUNI... ISANG ARAW PAGISING NATIN... TATAWANAN KO NA LANG ANG MGA ITO...

MELO : NAGYON PA LANG AY MAGISING KA NA SA KATOTOHANAN, WAG NA BILANGIN ANG MALULUMBAY NA ARAW NA PATI ANG PAGTAWA AY HINDI MO NA MATAGPUAN.

HAZE : ...AYOKONG MADALIIN ANG AKING PAGHILOM... GAGALING DIN AT HUHUPA ANG MGA SUGAT AT SAKIT... SA AKMANG PANAHON.

sessiOnroad SEPTEMBER GIGSKED!!!

Wednesdays 7, 21, 28 UNPLUGGED malate
Thursdays 1,8,15,22,29, XAYMACA bar timog ave. q.c.

SEPTEMBER
2 – The LOFT Rockwell, Ateneo event 9pm
3 – HannaH guests @ MOJOFLY CONCERT!!! 8:30pm
9 – Padis Pojnt calamba laguna
10 - Camp Crame Multipurpose Hall KAPATIRAN Benefit Concert 3 sngs
10 - ANGONO RIZAL
14 – 70’s Bistro

15 -First strip, aguila st. manila near Mendiola
16 – GATEWAY MALL OPM crossroads
17 – Cuneta Astrodome
17 – Sm North EDSA Garden 6pm
18 – NAGA
20 – UE manila 5pm
24 – MEGASTRIP B
25 – Pavillion Mall, laguna 4pm
28 – Campus Tour St. Paul Manila
30 – RACKS El Pueblo

There are possibly other gigs lined up for the month. If any of you
would like to book us to play in a private party, a bar, and out of
town gig, and any event that you wish sessiOnroad to be a part of it,
please contact our manager:

Ms. Vicky Romawac (tita Vicky rocks!)
vickyromawac@yahoo.com
0917 622 7807

Note that some gigs are subject to change message me if you have any questions.

Grab a copy of our second album entitled "Suntok Sa Buwan" under ALPHA records. It's now available on your favorite record bars. SUPPORTAHAN ANG MUSIKANG PINOY!!!!

LEAVING YOU TONES NOW AVAILABLE: TXT:
MYX (space) TONE (space) LEAVINGU for Monotone
MYXPT (space) LEAVINGU for polytone Send to 2366


Kapayapaan
-hazsh-

a letter from kit...

haze,

don't worry too much.

PUT so much hope in the future.
I know that amidst all the

uncertainty and ambiguity that life may bring...

someday...

you'll find that one piece that

will make you feel so certain...

so undeniably complete...

a piece that will revive your

Utopian dream...

just like the angels that i saw

falling down from a majestic tree...

you were among those angels...

thanks for fulfilling a part of my utopian dream... :)

-kit-

a murmur of the mind...

no amount of proclamation can carry the fate of he who endlessly searched and travelled in the course of pursuing the ONE thing he could not have...

-an excerpt from the warrior of My heart's [kit] journal

my waning wish letter...

Naomi:

... if it is not too much to ask for ---

please take him away from me: take him, but take him slowly...

... slow enough for me to handle his flight, ... slow enough for me to gain and understand fully why these things happen, slow enough for me to accept that these things do occur and slow enough for me to realize that this is for the best :::

...that i will not allow myself to be placed in a position where I am uncertain: --

...where i FEEL uncertain.

Wane with me as i wane this wish away...

Also, for him to realize what he really wants in life, what he needs and who he really is -- but first and foremost for him to realize that it's never too late for anything :::

.::hash::.

for that soul that has been... and will always be...

i converse with the warrior of my heart...

I have a soulmate... but starting to fade away... I have endless pains... I have the warrior of my heart...

and Haze says...

I want to refresh and start anew. All the silence in this house tortures me... and the idleness of time pounds me.

and kit the warrior of my heart says...

long pauses doesn't mean they no longer exist... sometimes absence means a renewal... a time to replenish the lost spark... a time to diligently double the shine... the light, and these stars or that star might show up very soon...

the death day of my soul to its mate....

it's so hard to battle with your heart, when you know that what you're doing

is not what you want.

listen to me...

even for a while...

hear me...

even for sometime...

please, because my mouth

will soon be out

of words...

of words to utter...

my mouth will soon be empty

even my heart...

i'm tired of waiting, i dont want to love no more...

my smiles are back to frowns...

I want to lock myself up inside a world where this unhappy soul is absent in vision. I love -- need --that unhappy soul... but it hurts to think that I'm the only one who's seeing the magic and feeling the most beautiful things..how great is that?!? I just can't throw whatever it is that we have... but I can't go on and live each day with that soul making me feel this way.

I needed a moment to weep and I wept like a child. I am looking for answers to questions... like why can't I ever tell that soul how i feel? I think I have to accept the flight of this love I have, to stop hurting myself. I am starting to get shattered and my hearts turning empty... i shouldn't have let the magic of bliss penetrate me, everythings so beautiful and i want it to stay that way...

And the warrior kit thinks its the time

of my permanent departure...

I'm flying away from this phase...

am never gonna be happy am i?...

a product of not listening to french class...

i never wanted to feel this way... i never asked for these emotions... this phase...this state... the bliss and all the transiency of love. i am starting to despise myself for dwelling too much on a monosyllabic love affair. God, just let me love that One person. and ill be fine. i am so dumb for allowing myself to be taken by that shinning light... its so hurting when you let yourself be penetrated with the magic of bliss... and when you share a piece of yourself... and thats the f***ing time when things will change for the better...the stranger... or commitment, but in my case things became uncertain... unsure and i'm like a strand of hair hangin on a scalp... waiting to be pulled away with the pulp.

i am in pain... but i'm trying to deal with it...

a sunday of hope...

... and that is the homily on my birthday... a sunday of hope...

I’ve looked at you With the focus I gave to my birthday candles I’ve wished on the lidded blue flames Under your brow And baby, I wished for you Nobody sees when you are lying in your bed And I wanna crawl in with you But I cry instead I want your warm, but it will only make Me colder when it's over ...

... i'm going to a nice place... a very very nice place...

it's ok to be away for a while...it's the time to be alone with yourself...to relive your lost dreams...and recover your old self... because sometimes,because of the the transiency of everyday living...we fail to realize how much we have changed... and how much we have become the person we dont want to be... yeah, the person we dont want to be.... and this is me... being one with the grass... and my minds takes off... and flies with the cold breeze...

would you catch me if i'm falling

Catch me if i'm falling

would you catch me

cause i'm falling down on you...

i just wanted to let go of my grasp from the pole... and let myself fall and hit the ground... because i know... no one's going to catch me when i fall again believe me .. no one...
i have lots of love to give but i guess no one was taking it then. i thought i was finding consolation in solitude but to be honest i think was only acquiring a veneer of bitterness...

the moinks lovers jen & annie, me, chine and ana banana

i laugh a lot... but my smiles' just a front... sheen and haze... rolling around the feild hahaha

i cant remember why im so happy...

what's important to me, s'not important to you...

tila natatangay

ng lobong nakalapas.

ang aking isip..

lumilipad...

lumilipad...

di na maabot...

pag ikay

dumadaan

saaking isipan.

-haze-

i envy those creatures...

... like the sheep... that are used to travelling... know about moving on...i hope they could teach me...

if evreything was easy as 1-2-3... then evreyone would be happy...

i am...

a dweller,

a dreamer,

a lover,

a warrior,

a crier,

a sponge,

a cradle,

a light,

a dark,

a writer,

a sleeper,

a giver,

a lady...

...i am hazy.

i was just thinking...

h'wag magpadala sa panandaliang kinang ng bulalakaw....ngunit ako'y nawindang at natangay ng kanyang liwanag.

yet it reamins to be not just a dream,but a shadow of a dream.i curse the hands of destiny that brought me to you...for it gave me something i could only wish for ...

...that was just a solitary image of someone i can't have even from afar...

...the winner and the haze... on one of their happy journeys in the world of bliss... wiwit! he cried and she smiled for him... and everything was fine.. and their cheeks hurt when they're together.

if everything was nice...

She wants to tell him how much pain
he's digging within her heart...
hiding from the truth...
she weeps beneath her blanket
when the stars show up
and sleeps with tears in her eyes.

i was just thinkin if everything was nice... how wonderful it is to wake up each morning with a shinning smile.

I'm used to being lonely...I know how every sadness sounds, looks like...or even taste (and yeah there are a million more flavors of sadness... i'm ready for that.) I wish that look, just never shone at me... and i could have pretended everythings allright...what it failed to see... was that, that I'm not ok... but i always think that everyday is another chance... the next day will be a new life. Did i say that i'm also used to waiting?... waiting for nothing... waiting for anything... waiting for a chance... waiting for a glance... waiting in vain... and i just sit and wait.

Leaves fall from the trees, flowers die when you pick them, my pen runs out of ink, my pencil dies and loses its lead, my journal will lose a space sooner or later, my bulb burns out, i run and get tired, and i guess people too get tired of that one thing they're used to do... waiting. So today, i thought to myself, there's an end to everything... waiting is imperament. i'm tired of waiting in vain...

she only wishes,
that he would stop digging a fissure,
a puncture of pain that creates a
pad inside her heart.
she does not want to love no more.

soulmate?

A repost from the second to the last day of the month of the flowers...

It still amazes me that everyday when i wake up i meet a lot of cool new people... they are not just people that i would come across and then forget their birthdays...or someone that i would just pass by when i see them...but rather they are people that i would greet n their special days and give a hug if i see them walking around y'know.

Today i woke up with a smile on my face... not just an ordinary smile but some super dooper extra happy smile. its one of the mornings that you wish you could have every single day. but no, you cant just have them as always.
Today... i was said to be a soulmate (it gave me a stirring feeling like a thousand butterflies were rumbling around my stomach)... "i may have found my soulmate"... didn't seem to be a phrase that implied that it was me... but twas implied for me indeed. Such a sweet phrase...such a sweet thought...


It's great that i have found someone that i could share my unfathomable ideas...thoughts... and feelings.


Its weird to be writing all these .. i mean typing all these.. am a paper and pencil girl.. and i still love the fact that it tires me to write.. but yeah i have this blog.. i should keep on going...


see here... it's amazing. it's great. it's weird.

gloomy day... and so am i...

I now often find myself staring blanky at nothing... or sometimes smile with no reason. cry, for unexplainable emotions, but maybe an inner pain that manifests itself through my weeping.

I have never felt so impotant in my life, never have felt so beautiful, never have felt so profound and wonderful...I have never felt so happy in my life.Yes!how great it is to say that. but it's the things that makes a person truly and extremely happy, that puts them in the depth of sadness... under lonliness with gruesome cries and cold tears.I'm not bitter about the things that are happening to me, it's just that... i am feeling a miss in this life, the life that i have now, but i am satisfied.believe me i am satisfied.

Today, (how i love to use this word) is a gloomy day... a weird day actually... you'know sadness when it hits you, it hits right straight through you.like now.

Little things makes me smile these days. little ways that 'people' do for me. like: a simple sorry, a smile, a call, a plan that i am a part of, a moment when i am remembered...a moment when you remember me... (now where the hell was that from). little ways... little darlin' (stir it up.. yeah xaymaca night...)

i have found a place to drain all my sadness, emptiness, doubts, fears and fantasies ...it's with Naomi. Ask me... and ill tell you, but i can't show you. only to him... the giver of thy name: Naomi. It's within the pages of Naomi that holds all my secrets, my happiness and bliss...

mga tula galing sa kahapon...

APRIL 1 AND 2...

STREPSILS
at nagyong gabi
sumakay ako
sa ulap...
nasa alapaap...
at
may
mga
ngiting
di maintindihan
at di maidrawing...

VERSES FROM CLUB PARAW
nakaupo sa banig
nakatingala sa langit...
tumititig sa hangin
niyayakap na ang
kalawakan ng dilim.
mga bituin
at musika
anjan ka...
wala na akong
mahihiling pa....

the haze and the cowboy...

february 11... Racks

yebah! from last february,

Racks gig... just when i thought

he wasn't coming..

he comes when i

least expect

him...

April 2... boracay

we watched the sunset...

and spoke about life and

how wonderful things are...

it was so great.

...a photo with samy, a very good friend of mine

8 months it is... and counting... hahaha joke!

and the little girl cries...

fete de la musique...


yeah JUNE 18... a night full of malancholies... untill when can my cistern contain all these... someone please answer me...

chad

the COY

hannah

JV

the MOD and neil almighty oh yeah!
partners!

when people leave...

and one day when i woke up... she was leavin... twas sad.. but yeah i know theres a lot of a whole new world out there... toby! i have no one to run to na when i need something.

despedida of the romawacs! toby got a cool dip in the pool hahaha... peewee, aira, ate hannah and i pushed tobs! hahaha ponky was next hahaha...

a cool photo at baguio... lamig lamig... TOBEEE the best cousin in the world! and yeah my sister's big smiles...

wet tomatoes...

one hot friday afternoon...

i was listening to Aimee Mann's wise up, save me, momentum, i know theres a word , that's just what you are, one and a whole lot more and suddenly it brings me to a flashback, ... you know that feeling when you hear a song ... and then it brings you back to a certain phase or state...
-sadness-... i feel like crying for no reason and just that tune and the memories that i have in my soul swiftly changes the whole mood i have... plus Sarah Mclachlan hits my earwaves with building a mystery, angel, good enough, ice cream, and i love you... i was stucked for a moment in the midst of a hot afternoon... kasalukuyang... ako'y nalulumbay

and were on the road to Lucban...

P A H I Y A S !

it's amazing that this driver we had was like a race car driver astig! 2 and a half hours we were already at the venue. our friday night was LAGARE , one gig in Lucban, Quezon, and right after, Ripe Tomatoes in Pioneer. i was so excited for that 2nd gig only to find out it was raining like hell at the venue that RT had to stop the concert... but mind you twas s'all good... me , my sister and my kuya went home before the sun rose... thanks to my partner neil kissy kissy for bringin us home...

neil, haze, hann, wins, jv and shine

me with a heart shaped ruffle chip... i got 3 of them weird...

joey, haze and wins...

and the wet tomatoes! wawaweewah!... smiling red horse, or as da blobb said, the red whore hahahaha at sankaterbang tawanan! twas one sad night for me...but twas great that we stayed with the cool people of RT i went home with a lot of thoughts to write in my journal...

thought of the day...

its hard to yearn for something that you know you can't have...

tila sabi mo'y tanchahan lang... mali ba mga tancha ko? sabihin mo...

best things in life are for free...

yeah thought our friday night was goin dead last week... gig ended so early, my sister wanted to watch chedi but she had no gig for that night, javy asked for drip and imago's gig pero wala rin.. so we ended up at eastwood last friday... checked out 99.5 rt's event. mojofly was playin when we got there and cool thing neil kissy kissy my partner was there...and gave us free beers... redhorse pa... wawaweewah! thanks neil for savin my fri-night... best things in life are libre nga... was with some of the Rt dj's da kidd, the blobb, rain, sunshine, bb fred and veronica... twas fun... and we checked out Emm Gryner at Gweilos cool cool!!!

went home happy... yeah!

cant wait for ripe tomatoes and... yeah ill be with the GURU tomorrow 11pm to 12 midnight.. yeah boi!

subok lang...

... the pain in your soul was the same s the one down in mine... that's the pain that cuts a straight line down through your heart... we call it love...